How The Rev. Parish Met His Wife

Intro: The Rev. Parish developed the start of an erection by just looking at the woman.

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The Rev. Bruce Jenkins brought in tea to his assistant The Rev. Peter Parish and before pouring tossed Peter an advert from the local newspaper and said to read it.
“Golly,” said Peter. “This is a worry.”
“Yes,” said the boss. “From discreet inquiries I’ve found she lives within 75 yards of this church and she’s the daughter of Richard and Amelia Grimes, who attend our Sunday service sporadically.”
The advertisement which invited respondents to write to the advertiser C/- of the newspaper’s advertising department giving the number A7164- IB37 read:

I need a well-bred, fit and handsome man of good character and a likeable personality to impregnate me. I live with an older man and he has no desire to father children. For a successful pregnancy I’ll pay you £500.
“I want you to organize a small group to kidnap her and release her among Heathens, say in Ireland or Scotland.”
“You can’t be serious,” said the astonished assistant.
“No I was just testing,” Bruce laughed. “Drink up you tea and then go to the female advertiser who resides at this address and counsel her about her wicked ways and attempt to reform her. This is a big challenge for you Peter and I want you to succeed.”
Peter knocked on the door tentatively.
“Is that someone knocking?”
“Yes,” he quavered. “I’m the Rev Parish from Pigeon Hill Church.”
“Oh hi Rev come in. My parents go to your church but I’ve never darkened the door because I’m not a fan of religious dogma.”
“No that’s a challenge,” he muttered ready to dispute such nonsense and was confronted by an even bigger challenge.
“The door is locked,” he complained.
“Yes and that’s to stop every Tom, Dick and Harry waltzing in here but since you are a Peter I’ll unlock it for you.”
The door opened and Peter gaped.
Miss Grimes was a beauty despite her black eye and a patch of acne on her left cheek.
Her inadequately-dressed tight body with boobs appearing struggling to burst forth immediately triggered partial penis inflation for the young man who guiltily carried the burden of being not totally committed to the belief of celibacy until after marriage.
“God you’re a handsome one to be in the church. We were press-ganged?”
“Er no I received the call.”
“Well if you say so. What do you want?”
She scratched her left breast and she appeared shocked at the intensity of the young churchman’s stare.
“Um may we sit?”
“Yes of course,” she said and checking the clock said, “It’s gone 10:00 which mean we can have gin if you wish.”
“Er tea would be nice.”
“God that rubbish; I’ll make coffee.”
“Thanks but not too strong.”
She sighed and said he would get it the way it came out of the coffee-maker and if it was strong it would put lead in his pencil.
Peter had no idea what she was talking about.
When she sat and was pouring coffee Peter placed that copy of her advertisement before her.
“Of my goodness,” she bubbled. “You wish to shaft me to make me pregnant.”
He blushed heavily and hesitated, thinking he’d not immediately denounce her immoral actions and appeal to her to mend her ways under his counselling because he knew he’d enjoy having morning tea with Miss Grimes while she was in such a positive mood.
“Are you married?”
“No Miss Grimes.”
“Please call me Faith. Well reverend I guess you have sex with plenty of female in your flock.”
“No,” he said shocked.
“But that’s the purpose of having a flock isn’t it?”
“Certainly not. You should consider the church as a community. My role is all about leadership and interfacing with members of the congregation to enjoy the fellowship of like-minded people and to increase the database of their spiritual knowledge and upgrade their spiritual values.”
“I see, administering to the flock so to speak?”
“Yes and that’s it in a nutshell.”
“And less pompously put.”
“Er I was directly quoting from our ministerial handbook.”
Faith stood behind Peter and said he tensed.
Well what could anyone expect with her two pointy bumps pressing into his back like that. He didn’t know what to think and tensed ever more.
“Here allow me to massage your neck and shoulders Peter.”
It was lovely; she was so gentle. He relaxed as she crooned was probably was a love song and he dreamily thought she was such a heavenly creature and when she licked his left ear and then said almost hypnotically, “Unzip for me darling Peter” he had the stupid thought it was his mother talking to him and unzipped for mum who loved to do wicked little things with him.
A golden glow flowed through Peter and she whispered, “Fondle my exposed breast darling.”
He began to slide a hand over it but hey what was this? His mum’s floppies hung almost to touch her belly but this was warm, golden and firm flesh and the erect nipple was small and pink rather than mottled strawberry.
He dimly realised it was Faith’s tit he had in his hand but as her warm mouth slid up and down like a velvet glove over his erection he decided to ride with the flow and like his mum when she sensed he’d fully submitted she shuffled to open her legs. Faith pushed her belly against him and he reached down and up and worked in two fingers and tried to push in the other two but Faith was too small for that and so he used that third finger to stroke her clit until she came over his fingers.
“Oh darling,” Faith cried instead of sobbing in guilt like his mother and she began undoing his belt and soon she was on her back on the kitchen table.
Fortunately for Peter he knew what to do from tentative experiences and he continued with this provocation on the basis a clergyman has to become involved with promiscuous women to learn how to deal with their problem. He inserted an erection that made Faith gasp and she now had both tits bared and pulled Peter’s hands onto her golden orbs and told him to squeeze them hard. Her experienced encouragement her seducer and she had Peter banging away as if he were used to doing this every evening after Prayers.
“Fuck me,” she shouted exciting him no end and she came. When Faith was about to climax the next time she shot a dry finger into the minister’s anal passage and he blurted and flooded into her depths massively.
Six weeks later Faith made an appointment to meet Rev. Jenkins and told him she needed advice what to do because she was pregnant.
“Do we know who the father is?”
“Yes and he’s your assistant.”
Bruce sighed and said that could not be so because the Rev. Parish was rarely out of his sight.
“Well you should follow him and watch him banging me,” Faith said, angry that he’d indicated she was lying. “For weeks he’s been coming to my home each night at 11:00 when the neighbourhood looks like a grave site with no one about and he comes copiously inside me. Obviously a little bastard of a sperm got through to one of my eggs.”
“Er quite,” Bruce said, rubbing a finger under his collar to release steam. “What do you want to do about this; are you seeking money?”
“I just wish to marry him and I guess I better owe him the £500 bounty.”
Update
After his marriage the Rev Parish received an invitation to take over a rundown church in the city. The congregation had been leaderless after their clergyman was sent to jail for fraud after selling off part of the church land without authority to become building sites for his parents and for his brother and wife. The clergyman had completed that transaction in secret and had pocketed the proceeds.
Peter and Faith now have two children and his congregation has become the largest in the city, He and his wife are good organizers with fresh ideas and his messages from the pulpit have indicated being sexually promiscuous is okay today because it’s now widely entrenched as a normal social activity, gays should be accepted as normal people who have  a slight deviation in their sexual preferences and that masturbation should not be likened to a crime because it’s healthy exercise and anyway everyone did it.
A new inflow of followers has occurred since a letter to the editor of the local newspaper was published recently dubbing the church under Peter’s leadership as ‘the church of updated enlightenment with a splendid religious-based approach without traditional misguided piffle and ignorant beliefs’.
Peter’s church has only three rules:

• Don’t be late.
• Remove muddy footwear.
• Don’t remove money from collection plates.

THE END