Sunday, November 30, 2014

Jeremy and the Magic Lobster Part 3

"Whoa, kid. Try to keep it simple. Here's the deal...you want a sailboat? OK, go to sleep now and dream of that sailboat. Then, with the magical power granted me by Neptune, I'll have it out there waiting for you just off the beach in the morning. Green and red, just like you said."
     Jeremy dreamt of the Green Dolphin all night long.
     Early the next morning, Jeremy raced out onto the beach, expecting to see his new sailboat fully rigged and ready to ply the bounding main. What he saw instead were some tar-stained plastic bottles bobbing in the low tide and some dead jellyfish on the sand.
     When he got home from school, Jeremy sat down to have a talk with the lobster.
     "Uh, to tell you the truth, kid, you forgot to feed me last night. I'd like to see you conjure up a whole sailboat on an empty stomach."
     "OK, OK," Jeremy said. "Let's see, I read somewhere that lobsters eat little fish, barnacles and seaweed, is that right?"
     "Well yeah, kid. Usually that kind of stuff is all right, but a nice hamburger, rare, with some smoked oysters and spinach and maybe an eye-dropperful of your daddy's best whiskey...that'd make me feel highly magical, if you know what I mean."
     "Yeah," Jeremy said. "I guess so."
     Jeremy got all the stuff for the lobster's dinner, then watched him eat it. Wasn't a pretty sight.
     "Ah, delicious! Now, what was it you were wishing for again?"
     "A sailboat. Something with two masts, painted green and red."
     "Oh yeah...listen kid, why don't we start out with something a little smaller? See, I haven't done this for a while."
     "All right. How about a sextant?"
     "A sex...what?"

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